HEAD INQUISITOR

Our chief weapons are: SQL Server, SQL Server Mobile, Reporting Services, SSIS, Replication Services, Analysis Services and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 1

We’ve tried Analysis Services. It wasn’t all that nice.

HEAD INQUISITOR

Well, then: Our chief weapons are: SQL Server, SQL Server Mobile, Reporting Services, SSIS, Replication Services and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 2

Replication Services is quite a bitch to maintain and service, isn’t it?

HEAD INQUISITOR

(sighs)

Our chief weapons are: SQL Server, SQL Server Mobile, Reporting Services, SSIS and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 3

(raises hand)

Uh…

HEAD INQUISITOR

(gives angry stare)

Yees?

SOLDIER 3

…SSIS doesn’t really solve any of the really hard problems we’ve been having either…

HEAD INQUISITOR

(pauses slightly, breathes in)

Our chief weapons are: SQL Server, SQL Server Mobile, Reporting Services and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 4

(steps forward)

Sir! Report generators are too simple for most business cases, sir!

HEAD INQUISITOR

(thinks for a moment)

— Our chief weapons are: SQL Server, SQL Server Mobile and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 5

SQL Server Mobile is a nightmare to debug, sir!

HEAD INQUISITOR

(sighs heavily)

– Our chief weapons aaare…

(stares at soldier # 6 briefly, soldier # 6 makes no signs of motion)

…SQL Server and a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!

SOLDIER 6

(lights up, steps forward)

SQL isn’t always the best solution, sir!

HEAD INQUISITOR

(mutters)

Our chief weapon is a fanatical devotion to Microsoft!!

SOLDIER 3

(edges forward, slowly)

Sir…? You’ve mentioned vendor independence…?

HEAD INQUISITOR

NOBODY EXPECTS THE INQUISITION!

(fade out)