Category: Oberiu

Certified Poet

Oh, I thought I’d code and be free
Build and compile for all to see
Programs that worked, delivered on time
But everything changed – on this is my rhyme

Agile and Lean came storming the door
Everyone said, “I’ve seen them before”
But they didn’t falter or fail, not at all
They said “Iterate!” or your projects will stall

Around and around the teams would go
Coding and testing and making it so
users and bosses could all have their say
till products would ship and be well on their way

Bigger and better, faster and more
Waterfall was shoved out the door
Yes, we were an effective machine
Yes, we believed in Agile and Lean

But then Agile and Lean brought a friend
A dodgy stepson ‘bout the age of ten
“You have to do so much more than this -
“Meetings and masters and sprints are amiss”

His name was SCRUM, I kid you not,
first name was dumb and last name was naught,
How do we do it – please tell us how
“Don’t worry pursaps, I will teach you now”

“Certified” is what we all had to be,
despite for what, no-one could see
What is it, what, that we have to learn,
to make the hours ignite and burn

SCRUM couldn’t tell us – but faith so strong
if you don’t get it, you’re doing it wrong
Remember, a method, nay it never was
A mindset is what, and rightly a buzz

So now I know,that I’ll never be
a CSM but I do decree,
a Mindset I have, I’ll be known from today
as “Certified Asshole“. That’s me, M’kay?!



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